Feed Me
by ragnarockstar
Summary: "An unidentified species from Maria Forest Reserve. Apparently not native to the state." "Meaning, I have to classify it?" Jean asks. "Do I really need the haz suit? No one actually wears them, do they? I can see, like, ten years of dust on it." Or; Jean and Armin meet a sex pollen plant, disregard protocol, and end up jizzing all over the coffeeroom floor


-Program initiated. Estimated run time: 13:29-  
Armin sits back in his chair. He has nothing to do until the program finishes, so he opens up Facelook. Eren messages him almost immediately.

_Eren Jaegerbomb_  
where are you and when are you coming home

_Armin Arlert_  
At the lab, 8ish?

_Eren Jaegerbomb_  
k sweet

_Armin Arlert_  
Do I want to know why?

_Eren Jaegerbomb_  
nope

_Armin Arlert_  
Ok.  
Can I ask you something?

_Eren Jaegerbomb_  
ew?

_Armin Arlert_  
No, pervert, it's about Jean.

_Eren Jaegerbomb_  
armin no  
how many times are we gonna do this

_Armin Arlert_  
I realized something. It's important to adjust for differences whenever you approach a problem.

_Eren Jaegerbomb_  
that sounds like bullshit already but fine, what could have possibly changed since last wednesday

_Armin Arlert_  
I forgot to mention that he's out of my league.  
That has to impact the game plan, right?

_Eren Jaegerbomb_  
1\. he's not out of your league  
2\. exact same game plan  
3\. stop using my shitty advice as a crutch to indefinitely stall asking him out

_Armin Arlert_  
Ugh.  
Fine, what's a good way to phrase it?

_Eren Jaegerbomb_  
how about  
"hello douchey french seabiscuit i have a huge boner for your thick botanical body lets go fuck under a canopy of flower petals"  
seriously stop aski

"The hell is that?"

Armin almost jumps out of his chair and frantically closes his browser. "Nothing!" He turns around to see Jean staring at him incredulously and pointing- not at his computer, but at the sketchy cardboard box in the observation room. "Oh, that." Whoops.

"Wow, didn't take you for the porn-at-work type."

"I wasn't-" Armin racks his brain for an excuse, but Jean interrupts him.

"I'm joking, calm down. You know I don't care if you're on Facelook, right? Not even Hanji cares."

"Oh. Right, yeah, I forgot, about that." He swallows dryly.

"So, uh. That?" Jean points at the box, visible through the multiple layers of glass separating the greenhouse's rooms. When he raises his arm, Armin sees his thick bicep flex a little. _Who the hell wears a wife-beater to a lab?_

"Uh." _Task at hand!_ "An unidentified species from Maria Forest Reserve. One sample from a cluster. Apparently not native to the state."

"Meaning I have to classify it." Armin nods.

Jean opens the supply closet and sighs. "Do I really need the suit?"

"It's procedure?" _God, could I sound like any more of a poindexter?_

"But no one actually wears them, do they? I can see, like, ten years of dust on it."

It's probably true- Armin had never heard the hazmat suits mentioned after his first tour of the building. Granted, it was unusual for the lab to get unidentified species. This was only Armin's second contact with one in six years. But wasn't it was unlikely that, if the previous handlers had experienced negative effects, they would left them out of their writeup? But, it might have been that they hadn't-

Armin remembers that Jean's waiting for a response and stops his rhetorical masturbation in its tracks. "Take gloves, just in case," he says quickly.

"Yessir," Jean responds with a smirk.

Armin flushes and watches him out of the corner of his eye, pretending to read the program. It's creepy, he knows, but he can't get enough of Jean's fingers. The way they move is like watching poetry. Sexy poetry. _You're slime._

Armin goes back to Facelook after Jean leaves the room. Eren sent him a few more disparagingly encouraging messages before he logged off. Armin can't understand why Eren seems to think he should have no problem asking out Jean. He can't really just _ask _him, can he?

The program is almost done, so Armin pulls up the logging software. It's half loaded when the door opens again.

Armin can tell something's wrong as soon as he looks at Jean. He sits up, but Jean waves him off.

"Just need some allergy stuff." Jean fishes a small bottle from his backpack.

"This doesn't look like your other allergic reactions..." Jean's skin is flushed pink, he's sweating, and his breaths are coming a little faster than normal. When Armin had seen his allergic episodes before, his eyes had puffed up and he sneezed a lot.

"What else could it be?" He swallows a few pills with a swig of water.

"Uh." Armin has no idea, but that doesn't mean he's wrong.

"'m fine. Just need a minute." Jean sits on a chair a few computers away from Armin and sets his head against the desk. "Could you do the observation for me? I'll pay you back."

Armin blinks. "What if you have a seizure or something?"

Jean rolls his eyes. "Armin, I'm not going to have a seizure. Plus, you can see through the windows."

"I don't know-"

"How about, if I'm not feeling better in ten minutes, we can call Hanji? And they can kick my ass for not wearing the suit."

That's a little better, Armin guesses. "Okay, but-"

"I know my body, dude. I'm fine." Armin's head reels at the phrase. _He knows his body. I bet he- No, inappropriate, there couldn't be a worse time to be thinking about Jean mastur- _"Armin? You there?"

Armin stands up gracelessly. "Distracted, sorry, work, I'll go get some photos." He completely forgets to put on gloves or the suit as he scurries out.

As soon as Armin opens the door to the observation room, he's assaulted with a thick, sweet aroma. The box had been neatly cut open and discarded on the floor, and in its place is a small potted plant no bigger than his hand. _How could such a small thing possibly emanate such a potent smell?_

The plant was a dark green with countless thin, spiraling vines coming out of its central stalk, reaching out into the air around it. A single flower rose from one of the offshoots- thick, dark scarlet petals forming a cone around a single stamen, heavy with bright orange pollen.

Armin belatedly remembers the photos. He pulls out his phone and snaps a few of the stalks, but when he tries to frame the flower, he's at a loss for the right angle. He knows that he really shouldn't touch it without gloves, but he doesn't want to leave Jean alone for more than a few minutes in the state he's in, and there hadn't been any bad reports from previous handlers…

Armin strokes the flower with his pointer finger, angling it into the light, and snaps a few photos. He gazes at the stamen. What would it feel like, if he brushed against it? What would it taste like? _The way it's sitting there, presenting its sex so patiently, it's just begging to be touched…_

The door swings open and Armin jumps back.

"Okay, I'm stopping you right there, I didn't know how much longer you were going to keep touching it with your bare hands, but I'm not going to just-" Jean continues to ramble as he takes Armin by the arm and pulls him out of the room and back to the lab.

Armin shakes his foggy head. What the hell had he been doing? "Thanks," he tells Jean weakly.

"You should probably do a rinse," Jean says.

Armin realizes how close they are- Jean's hand is still around his arm, his grip is so strong- he can practically _feel _his body heat.

_Wait, what? _He steps back before his thoughts get any more stalker-y.

Armin looks up and he feels like his heart skips a beat. Jean looks like he's about to pounce, his expression somewhere between angry and hungry. Armin has to look away, before he starts imagining Jean making that face while he pins Armin to a wall and-

Dammnit.

Armin turns the gauge at the rinse station and murky water floods from the thick pipes, caressing his hands. When it stops, he can't believe it'd been two minutes. It'd felt like seconds.

He turns back to Jean, who's still staring at him with a kind of unnerving intensity, but not with the same look as before. _Was he staring at me that whole time?_

"Are you feeling better?" Armin asks.

"…No." Jean rubs his temples. Armin notices a bead of sweat rolling down his left cheek. "Don't call Hanji yet."

Armin can't remember what Hanji has to do with anything, so he just nods. "Let's go to the coffeeroom for some fresher air."

"Good idea."

Neither of them speaks while they walk down the hallway. Armin sighs in relief when he sees that no one else is in the room. He doesn't question why Jean locks the door behind them.

Armin collapses into the old, black couch at the side of the room. Jean sits next to him, so close they're almost touching, and Armin doesn't bother to hide his ogling anymore. He can see the curves of Jean's abs through his shirt, _so sharp, like he's cut from marble-_

Jean interrupts his thoughts. "Think we're gonna die?" he asks with a smirk.

"I'm not worried." Actually, Armin has a really awesome feeling about this. "How are you feeling?"

"Same as you, probably." God, has Jean's voice always been that sultry? "Like my blood's gonna jump outta my skin if we don't-" he stops himself.

Armin turns to face Jean. "If we don't what, Jean?"

Jean bites his lip and turns to look at Armin. "Mind if I take this off?" He flicks his shirt against his chest.

"Not at all."

Jean pulls his shirt off- slowly, like he's a goddamn runway model or something. God, his naked chest is better than anything Armin had imagined. He nearly drools.

"Is it helping?" Armin asks.

Jean smirks. "Why don't you try and find out?"

What a fantastic idea. Armin takes off his shirt and tosses it on the floor. He's not as built as Jean, but he's nowhere near the shrimp he used to be. He's not sure why he's been so shy about his body. A holdover from highschool? Whatever, it was dumb.

Armin's acutely aware that Jean's staring at his chest, and that he definitely just licked his lips.

They _could_ just wait for this to pass. Go home and deal with their burning pains privately, pretending that they were completely unaware of the situation. They could keep their legs crossed and lips locked for the next few hours, then get back to running petals through computer programs.

_Yeah, fuck that._

"You know what might help?" Armin asks.

"Hm."

"Touch."

If Jean were to press him, Armin would have no idea how to defend this hypothesis.

Jean raises an eyebrow and that godawful sexy grin spreads across his lips. "Yeah?"

"Can we…?" Armin reaches his hand out tentatively.

Jean surprises Armin by straddling Armin's hips and pinning his hand against the couch. Armin moans the second their bodies connect- god, yes, it's so right, exactly what his body had been screaming for. Jean's mouth feels like wet flame against Armin's neck, trailing up to his mouth before kissing him hungrily.

Armin desperately kisses back, sloppy and dirty, clawing at Jean's back with his free hand. His skin feels perfect against Armin's fingers and Armin drinks up the moans Jean makes when Armin's nails dig into his skin. Jean starts to thrust, grinding their hips together, and it's so sweet until he pulls away.

"What the fuck?" Armin demands.

Jean doesn't respond, just unzips his jeans and shucks them off. _Oh_, he's going commando, that must have hurt but Armin can't think about much else but the fact that _there, there it is, Jean Kirstein's dick hard and happy to see me. _His mouth waters.

Jean locks eyes with him and he's got that look again. He kneels down between Armin's legs, and Armin nearly hyperventilates. He unzips his pants, pulls them down with Armin's boxers, and takes Armin's dick into his mouth.

It feels good. Understatement, it feels_ amazing, _so good that Armin's about to blow. What he really wants, more than that, is Jean's heat. He yanks Jean's hair sharply and Jean moans- hello, pain kink, I see you there- and Jean pulls off with a filthy _slurp. _Armin bites his lip and focuses on not coming on Jean's face, as great as that would be.

"Get back up here, I'm cold."

Jean smirks. He sits back in Armin's lap, and _god_ it feels so much better without clothes. Armin can feel the thick hair on Jean's thighs, his fat cock pressing against his stomach.

"Like it when I ride you?" Jean asks. _He talks dirty, I've died and gone to heaven. _Armin manages a pathetic little moan and Jean rubs their cocks together. "Could ride your cock, if we had lube."

"Please," Armin gasps.

"You want that?" Jean whispers in his ear. He takes their cocks in his hand- his big, gorgeous hand- and Armin nods frantically. "Any time you want." He starts thrusting and Armin had no idea that dick-rubbing would feel so good.

He usually feels a little uncomfortable when he's not giving, but with Jean, he's more than happy to have him take the lead. To be pinned under his strong, heavy body and swept away at his pace.

"You close, baby?" Armin shivers at the pet name. Jean's voice is getting rougher, does that mean he's getting close, too?

"Yeah, so close-"

"Show me, I've wanted to see for so long, Armin-" Jean moans his name and Armin is gone, spilling all over Jean's chest.

He realizes he's babbling- "God, Jean- you, too, so many things I want to do to you-"

Jean bites Armin's shoulder when he comes. It leaves a dark, painful mark that Armin finds unbearably hot.

They pant against each other for a few moments. Now that the throbbing in Armin's veins has subsided (a little), he can appreciate that Jean's thick chest is actively heaving against his own. His nipples are hard little nubs pressing into his skin. Armin groans when he realizes he's getting hard again.

"…made a mess," Jean says lazily. He kisses at the bitemarks he's left on Armin's skin.

Armin laughs, because this is so unreal.

Jean starts laughing too, then snorts, then slaps a hand over his own mouth. "You didn't hear that," he says through his hand.

Armin grins. "Oh my god-"

"Shut up."

"You're a snor-" Jean cuts Armin off by covering Armin's mouth with his palm.

Armin's heart thunders in his chest. He knows Jean meant this playfully- and Armin was playing along- but it's reminding Armin far too much of how strong Jean is, how dominant he just was with him and how much Armin loved it. Before he can psych himself out about how he might fuck it up, he takes Jean's hand off his mouth and sucks one of his fingers into his mouth.

Jean gasps and his cheeks flush. Armin rubs his tongue and nibbles softly on the digit, and he feels Jean's cock stiffen up against his stomach.

"Holy shit, Armin."

Armin pulls the finger out with a slow suck. "Let's clean each other up."

Jean and Armin wake up several hours later to demanding knocks at the door.

"Okay, I'm getting security to open the door! If anyone's doing anything illegal in there you'd better be gone in 5 minutes!" Professor Hanji calls gleefully.

They wait until Hanji's steps fade down the hall before scrambling to get their clothes back on, and decide which gross stains to clean now and what could wait.

"Fuck- why-" Armin shushes Jean and slowly opens the door. There's no one in the hall. They move as quickly as they can with all the weird cramps they've worked up, and make it out the door just as Hanji's chattering voice becomes audible down the hall.

Jean starts laughing when they get halfway across the lawn- guffawing, really. "I can't believe…" he wheezes between laughs. It's infectious, Armin starts cracking up with him.

Armin can hardly believe this, either. Especially the fact that Jean's still here, happily, and not giving him some awkward excuse to leave.

"About what happened back there-" Jean starts. _Oh. _Armin feels sick, _here it comes. _"That was awesome, please tell me you didn't think it was a mistake."

Armin is dazed. "Awesome?"

"Do you regret it?" Jean actually looks vulnerable.

"No? I'm just surprised you don't. You're, like, 5 points out of my league."

"Don't tell me the gorgeous genius has self-esteem issues." Armin blinks. Is Jean messing with him? "Really? Seriously? No. We gotta fix that. 5 points? Who even uses points? No."

"Wait- you mean-"

"That we should be a thing and do this on a weekly basis, yeah. Or daily. Well, unless you don't want to- I swear I'm not gonna give you trouble if-"

"No, let's… be a thing." Armin is barely restraining himself from fistpumping, so he doesn't mind that a stupidly huge smile plasters itself on his face.

Jean pulls out his phone and starts typing. "God, this is crazy. Here's my number, call me may-"

Armin covers Jean's mouth with his hand before he can finish that awful joke, and the mood changes again. Armin feels Jean's lips moving minutely and shivers. He hadn't realized how _sensitive_ palms were. Jean swallows and his face gets bright.

Armin withdraws his hand slowly. "You're really cute when you blush," he says.

Jean clears his throat. "You should sleep at my place tonight."

Armin grins. "Sure."

Armin doesn't realize until he wakes up the next morning that they both left their stuff in the lab.

Or the coffeeroom.

_Oh, god._

_From: Hanji Zoe_  
_To: Jean Kirstein, Armin Arlert_  
_Subject: regarding plant 7_  
Hi boys! About that plant from Maria- police have linked the cropping to a clubdrug manufacturer, apparently the pollen is used to process some new kind of aphrodisiac. Hope you did and will continue to wear your haz suits around any unidentified species. Remember those things? They're not just a suggestion!  
See you tomorrow!  
H


End file.
